Rust Bucket

Paid a home visit today to my colleague on the Nailsea big dig, Rick "three Jags" Harris who is battling with the terrible dilemma of whether he should get rid of his knacked XJ or not.
His front garden consists of a mixture of reconstructed medieval seige machinery and British Leyland cast offs, (I can never tell the difference, but it seems the medieval stuff still works).
I found him stretched out beneath a badly dented rusty blue hulk lying in a pool of oily water. "Its no good Bill" he called "the heating condenser's gone. Its only a simple part but its buried so deep in here they'll have to take the whole engine out." The car is surrounded by tonnes of junk, its tyres are totally flat and the rims have sunk into the mud. I wonder when the car last moved anyway, heated or not....
I put the kettle on anyway, - i know the routine.
We sit on the bonnet of his relatively new XD, hemmed in behind a disassembled trebuchet, and debate the relative merits of his collection. "this ones nice enough Bill, but if I'd have wanted a new mondaeo I'd have bought one...its not a patch on the old XJ to drive.." I'd love to ask when he last drove the XJ or the XD but I know better, and I can see from the stacking order that the trebuchet was out more recently than either. "I really should get rid of one or the other but which one ?" I suggest that I put him in the passenger seat while I burn up and down redland road making handbrake turns and record his screams. The car he gets most stressed about we keep. The idea is brilliant but not a goer - none of his vehicles are in running condition !