Sugar Rush

Horrors, a child was brought in this morning by an anxious mother who insists her boy needs councelling ! Clearly if her excellent parenting and a very expensive school doesnt produce a hard-working, fun loving, sports playing, musical academic genius who loves his parents then the boy must be mentally ill. I hate working with children but seeing the DB9 parked outside I agree to a single session without her. (£50 buys a decent amount of tobacco and cake even these days).

Tim seemed a normal enough kid. I asked him what his mother's problem was, and we had a good laugh diagnosing her before grabbing biscuits from Mrs Huggins and booting up the playstation. Jane and I have got to the bit where you have to use a bazooka to take out the large cake on the bridge and use the sniper rifle on the chocolate fingers that are firing at you from the bank. Having to change weapons mid-combat is a hassle but I thought Tim would be able to master it.

"This game's easy " he boldly proclaimed, followed shortly by ".....uh...."
"just you wait till we get to the bridge.....mind my coffee..."
"uh....this game is weird.....what's that..???" he asked pointing to a swiss roll that was shouting at him.
"He's a bad guy but he's out of ammunition quick shoot him". Tim did and we rushed the corner.
"what the f*** ! Why's there a piece of cake on the bridge ?"
"Concentrate man, you're getting hit too much duck down behind those sand bags".

It occurs to me that even though Tim is a perfectly normal kid, £50 a week on a regular basis could be very useful. "What cake ? what are you talking about ? quick get the tank ! mind the snipers......."
"What tank ???? What snipers ??? I just see a cake ?"

The screen fades to red and the controller shakes ominously.

Tim's mother is glad I think he is fairly normal, but I tell her I am concerned about the boy's obsession with food. Does he snack alot at home ? Grab packets of crisps between meals, eat alot of chocolate and various other safe questions..He seems to be imagining food items where they don't exist, perhaps he has too much sugar in his system and suffers from attention deficit ?
She looks pale with concern. "Don't worry" I say, "I can cure these conditions with your help, but it will take quite a few sessions..." She signs up for 10 more and I go off to the Little Tipple to celebrate......