Treason

"Dr. William James Victor Nicholas von Marksburg,
In accordance with the "The Lawes, Orders and Customs for Swans", dated 1482/3, and the Wildlife and Countryside Act of 1981, you are hereby charged with having willfully and knowingly murdered a swan by means of a semi-automatic pistol on the morning of Monday, October 29, 2007. The swan being a much prized bird and property of the crown. How do you plead ?"

I have been summoned to Windsor Criminal Court to answer the charge of having sent Gottfried on his way last month for having buggered up my fishing lines. I knew that that day had gone too well). Perhaps if I'd have bagged the body and sent it to the office of 'Keeper of the King's Swans' instead of leaving it to the fishes and mother nature, I could have avoided this. Now I stand accused by the crown of treason, and all because some 12th century Frenchy Lord with long moustaches and a high squeeky voice fancied poultry for dinner and all the Turkey's had avian bird flu. Now I have to try and keep a straight face while twits in wigs and togas try and sentence me to death or whatever passes for that these days....

I suggest to the court that whilst I may be guilty of the 1483 offence, the current monarch does not neccessarilly have the right to claim ownership of the swans either, being as she is, not particularly well decended from the aforementioned monarch, and when this ploy fails I decide to call Prince Philip as a witness to say that I had Royal permission to bump this one off. I am given a slap and fined £500, which the judge agrees I can pay in monthly installments over 200 years. I request that the crown should pay my expenses but am given another slap !